Aw, Shit.

I'll tell you who I hate: everyone.

Wait, I was channeling Death Wore a Feathered Mullet for a second there. I don't hate everyone.

I do, however, hate the yuppie condo dwellers who live in the high-rise condos that surround Cheesman Park.

Cheesman Park is where I go running, and I do it even now, when the running trail has three inches of snow-compacted-to-ice covered in an inch of slippery slush on it and occasional patches of disgusting, sloppy mud. I don't mind the ice, and I don't mind the slush, and I actually kind of like the mud. What drives me nuts, though is that the yuppie condo dwellers take their dogs out into the park to shit (the dogs, not the yuppies, I presume). By "into the park" I mean "no further into the park than absolutely necessary while chatting about useless bullshit on cellphones." And by "no further into the park than absolutely necessary" I mean "onto the running trail."

Ordinarily, this isn't a problem. Denver's full of dogs, and 99% of dog owners are, most of the time, quite conscientious about carrying their little plastic baggies with them. But somehow, when there's snow and/or ice on the ground, it's like all rules and common courtesies are suddenly erased. There is shit everywhere on that trail, man. It's like running through a minefield. I don't understand it. "Oh, it's snowy out here. That means it's okay to leave my dog's foul, steaming mess of fecal matter right here where he left it." Yeah, perfectly alright - it's not as though hundreds of people are running or walking on that trail every day. Dogshit just dissolves in snow anyway, right?

As it turns out, it does. Well, anyway, when it's been snowed on, frozen, thawed, snowed on, frozen, thawed a few times, and the temperature gets into the forties for the first time in weeks...well, it doesn't really dissolve, but it certainly becomes more liquid than usual.

Fuckin', rage isn't my specialty. Help me out here, Todd - cuntrags? Cuntmeisters?