The Worst

Went out for a drink with our friend Nate (aka Nate Dogg, aka Natrone) and a bunch of his friends at the Park Tavern, which is just a few blocks from our house.

At one point, one of our party ordered another drink. The waitress asks someone else at the table, who was halfway through with her own beverage, if she wanted another, too. She declined. At this point, the waitress says, "Just so you guys know, the bar is all the way over on the other side of the room, and its' really annoying if I have to go all the way over there to get a drink and bring it back to the table and then someone else orders a drink, so if you want another, you should order it right now." After a slight pause during which I believe pretty much everyone at the table is thinking, "Holy fuck, did she really just say that?", the girl who was the subject of the waitress's tirade says, "No, I'm good, really."

Hey, I've worked as a server for several years, and there's no doubt, it's annoying as hell to have a table run you like that and ask for something new every time you come back. I'm pretty sure, though, that as a server you're not really allowed to lecture your tables about it.

A few minutes later, another server drops off a plate of cheese enchiladas, which were supposed to be chicken enchiladas. When our waitress returns, the girl whose plate it is says, "I'm sorry, but I was supposed to get chicken enchiladas and these are cheese, and I just don't really want to eat this much cheese." The waitress says, "I could have sworn you said cheese. Here's my solution: I'll take your plate back to the kitchen and have them throw some grilled chicken on top. Or, if you waaaant," dramatic pause after the over-emphasized waaaant to make sure the implied to make me do more fucking work is quite clear, "I can void this order and put in a new order for chicken enchiladas. Those are your options." The recipient of the botched order invents an entirely new, third option, and declines to eat any enchiladas at all, and as a group our solution is to pay up and go to an entirely different bar where the service isn't abysmal.

The waitress brings the tab and says, "Please don't tip me, you're obviously not happy with something, so I'm sorry." What she means is, of course, "You're mad at me for some reason and I don't know why, so fuck you, but I'm sorry, I guess, because my manager would want me to be." One of our party says to her, "We've been coming here for eight years, and no one has ever treated us this rudely." The waitress drives it all home by replying, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Not, "I'm sorry," but "I'm sorry you feel that way." Yeesh.

This is, if not the worst service I've ever encountered in a bar or restaurant, easily in the all-time top five.