Tool Time

Why should you boycott Tom Cruise and all things Cruisian?

Because he's a giant tool, that's why.

The hilarious Viva Las VegASS started the movement, I'm just doing my bit.

I used to defend Tom Cruise. I always thought he was underrated as an actor (and seriously, watch Rain Man again and tell me who has the harder role to play - Cruise or the guy who gets to hit one note and then hold it for two hours...but I digress). And he's done some really swell movies - who doesn't love Jerry Maguire? Nobody, that's who.

And I'm not going to speculate about his sexuality (queer as a three-dollar bill)*, or the veracity of his relationship with Katie Holmes (a beard to put ZZ Top to shame), or just what shenanigans went on to get her all knocked up with the Scientology Messiah (turkey baster)...I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of Tom Cruise acting like a tool. I'm tired of people talking about Tom Cruise acting like a tool. I'm sick and tired of people making snide "I hope Katie Holmes winds up with post-partum depression" comments because, honestly, what's that going to solve? It won't get Tom Cruise to stop acting like a tool, that's for sure. But if we all stop paying attention to him, he can be as big a tool as he pleases and no one has to suffer for it.

So...beginning now, boycott that giant tool Tom Cruise and all his movies...and then, never ever discuss the matter again. S'aright?

* Note to the Litigious Tool Tom Cruise and his Team of Psycho Attorneys: You're a public fucking figure, dude, and no matter how much noise you make, you can't sue people for saying that you're the gayest gay who ever gayed, you big gay. And the more you make a stink about NOT BEING GAY AND STOP SAYING SO OR I'LL SUE YOU, the more you confirm that you're the gayest gay who ever gayed, you big gay.