Top Five - Film This Book!

The Onion A.V. Club offers 21 good books that need to be great films...like, now (and while you're there, check out 20 Good Books Made Into Not-so-Good Movies), some of which I nodded in agreement with (e.g. The Time Traveler's Wife, which is kind of cheating because it's already in production with Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams in the leads, and Don Rosa's The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck), some of which I wondered how they think anyone could possibly make a good movie from (e.g. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, a great, brilliant, wonderful book which is also the textbook definition of "unfilmable" if anything is, and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, another great book that is great largely because of the unique voice of Dave Eggers, which again doesn't really seem to translate to film).

Anyway...here's a few additions to that list of my own:

1. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett: Terry Gilliam has been trying to get an adaptation of this off the ground for years. I don't suppose it's really all that surprising that a movie that would draw the predictable outcry from the usual suspects about boycotts and how Hollywood has no respect for Christians and how it's a sign that Christians are a persecuted minority in this country can't get funding. Still, the potential exists here for something that's smart, exciting and funny all at once. I've long imagined John Cleese as Aziraphale and Robert Carlyle as Crowley, though lately it's occurred to me that it seems like a perfect opportunity to re-team Stephen Fry (Aziraphale) and Hugh Laurie (Crowley).

2. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon: This is supposedly in the works as well, helmed by Stephen Daldry, director of Billy Elliot and The Hours. I'll admit this one is a tough nut to crack, in cinematic terms. There's not all that much of a plot, but it's dense and complex in terms of characterization. The easy way out is "Poor kids make good with comic books," but there's so much more going on here. Casting will be a bear as well - to do it right, you've got to get a couple of kids around 18-20 years old for the leads. And not The CW/"Gossip Girl"-types, either. David Krumholz would have been perfect as Sammy a few years back, but he's far too old now. A header on an IMDB message board posting offers this nugget of joy: "How about Zach Braff as Joe Kavalier?", which made me throw up in my mouth a little.

3. His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik: Peter Jackson's company has optioned this series, which seems like a good fit. I hope it actually gets made. The story is thoroughly cinematic, and it would be a great opportunity for the Weta Digital artists to go nuts, creating dragons of all sizes and descriptions. It could be like Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, only with a much better title (and seriously, that's a great title, y'all). Sequels are built-in, as there's already three more books in the series with at least one more on the way - and they only get deeper, better and more exciting as the books go on. It's a shame that Ioan Gruffudd has already played Horatio Hornblower, because he'd be about dead perfect as Capt. Will Laurence.

4. The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller: Some of the things I've heard about The Dark Knight, next summer's Batman Begins sequel, lead me to believe that this is the ultimate goal that Christopher Nolan and David Goyer have in mind, not least of which is the title. If so...how frickin' awesome would that be? It's got its problems, no doubt. The studio might balk at the R-rating some of the more explicit violence would assuredly draw...but that could be toned down to a nice PG-13 level. And they might not be thrilled with the way Superman, one of their other franchise heroes, kinda-sorta plays the part of a villain in this story. Still...a nerd can dream, right? I think Kurt Russell in a sort of Snake Plisskin-ish mode could probably do justice to cranky old Batman. Throw in a cameo appearance from David Letterman, and you've got it made.

5. Conan by Robert E. Howard: I believe that the Governor of California's original turn as Conan is generally a bit underrated. That said, you can't tell me it's not high time for a new, truly great Conan movie. A movie that gives us a Conan who is cunning, as shrewd and quick-witted as he is strong and handy with a blade, rather than the monosyllabic goon in previous adaptations. Howard's Conan is superstitious and mistrustful of cities and "civilized" life...but he's not stupid. "The Tower of the Elephant" might be a little too far on the weird side for a mass audience to accept - but why not borrow the good bits from "The God in the Bowl," "Rogues in the House" and "Red Nails"? Instead of some generic warrior woman or helpless princess, why not give us Belit, Queen of the Black Coast as Conan's love interest? Why not give us that long-promised "other story" about how Conan came to be King of Aquilonia by his own hand? Why not give us a Conan movie with a hero who can actually deliver dialogue instead of grunting in a heavy German accent? Find an actor who is strong and athletic, but not just another body builder. Finally pit him against Thoth-Amon, who fans of the stories and the comics have been dying to see on-screen for ages and ages, perhaps. Whaddaya say, Hollywood?

Top Five: How 'Bout Those Rainbow Suspenders?

As I've mentioned, I can't work up a lot of interest in seeing The Simpsons Movie. Yeah, I'm one of those snarky internet people who do nothing but bitch about how much "The Simpsons" has gone downhill over the last several years. To quote the Kids in the Hall's 30 Helens, "Things were better before." The movie doesn't look like it's going to reverse this trend, sadly. But why remain mired in the gloom of the present when you can reminisce about the glory days, back when "The Simpsons" handily earned its title as the Funniest TV Show Ever? Sounds like another opportunity for a Great Big Nerd Top Five! Here, in my humble opinion, are the Top Five Simpsons Episodes.

Composing a list like this is difficult and fairly arbitrary - seasons 3 through 8 are an embarrassment of riches, nearly every episode absolutely top-notch. Seasons 9 and 10 are uneven but decent, and the hit-to-miss ratio just keeps dropping from there.

Honorable mentions - "Bart the Daredevil", from Season 2, is an early indicator of how good things would be; the disastrous consequences of Capt. Lance Murdock's attempt to jump a tank filled with sharks, piranhas, electric eels and "the king of beasts, one ferocious lion!" never fail to crack me up. ""In Marge We Trust" is worthy of inclusion if nothing else for the Mr. Sparkle B-plot. "Treehouse of Horror VI"," from the 7th season, is the best of the Halloween specials, thanks largely to the presence of the great "Homer³."

5. "Homerpalooza" (7th Season): Celebrity guest appearances on "The Simpsons" were once funny. Celebrities would appear as characters who worked within the context of a normal plot. One of the hallmarks of the Decline has been celebrities "appearing" as themselves and the lazy writing that goes with it. "Hey, look everybody, it's [insert name of celebrity guest who happens to fit in with this week's set of loosely-connected gags]!" Though "Homerpalooza" might be considered a starting point of that disheartening trend, it works even so. Like many a great "Simpsons" episode, this one is actually about something real and meaningful - the harsh realities of aging and no longer being "with it." The spot-on parody of disaffected youth culture is great - "Oh, it's the cannonball guy. He's cool." "Dude, are you being sarcastic?" "I don't even know anymore." The celebrity cameos are actually funny, too: Sonic Youth rummaging through Peter Frampton's cooler, Cypress Hill holding a rushed, whispered conversation about whether they had "ordered" the London Symphony Orchestra while high, Peter Frampton shopping at Pink Floyd's garage sale. There are great throw-away lines referring to some of the show's running gags, like Homer's unerringly awful taste in music ("Jefferson Airplane gave way to Jefferson Starship. The stage was now set for the Electric Light Orchestra!") and what a miserable place Springfield is ("We've got a little rule back home: if it's brown, drink it down. If it's black, send it back."). And remember, for totally rockin' class rings, it's Jostens!

Best Line: The one that gave this post its title, Homer's impossibly lame conversation starter as he drives the carpool: "So...how 'bout those rainbow suspenders? Pretty cool way to keep your pants up!"

4. "Lisa's Rival" (6th Season): A brilliant examination of Lisa's over-achieving ways. "The Simpsons" got a lot of attention when they used Poe's "The Raven" in their first Halloween special. But here they use Poe to even better effect - Allison's "Telltale Heart" entry in the school diorama contest is a nice allusion underlining Lisa's increasingly crazy obsession with besting her rival. Lisa's trip to Allison's house is a classic moment ("Hmm...I have a ball here. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it."), as it the resolution of the diorama contest ("Star Wars action figures! In their original packaging!"). Again, this episode works largely because it plays on fears and insecurities that are easy to identify with. Lisa's character as the resident know-it-all has been well established, and the results when she meets her mirror image are highly entertaining. The B-plot, Homer's attempt to go into business selling "Farmer Homer's Sweet Sweet Sugar" is hilarious as well.

Best Line: This is also one of the classic Ralph Wiggum episodes, and his response when Lisa and Allison invite him to play anagrams with them is great: "My cat's breath smells like cat food."

3. "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" (8th Season): This episode parodies a trait of long-running series to which "The Simpsons" itself has fallen victim, in its own way, in recent years. No, they haven't added a Rockin' Dog to their cast, nor has Roy come back to live with the Simpsons again. But in their desperation as they've completely run out of material, the writers have started focusing more and more on the odd fringe characters - the ones who are and ought to be nothing more than catch-phrases and throw-away gags. They've done entire episodes centering around Comic Book Guy, for fuck's sake. Not exactly a new character added to improve slumping ratings, but still...On the other hand, I don't want to come off like the people who are the other side of this episode's coin, the (speaking of Comic Book Guy) "Worst. Episode. Ever." types.

And this is far from the worst, of course - it's just kind of sadly prophetic. One of the things that's great about it is that it manages to skewer both sides equally - the interfering executives and lazy creators get both barrels, but so do the obsessive fans. Flanders telling Homer, "I can honestly say that's the best Impy and Chimpy episode I've ever seen" cracks me up, and is close to being the episode's best line, save for...

Best Line: ...the runner of the focus group trying to clarify just what it is he's learned: "So, you want a realistic, down-to-earth show...that's totally off-the-wall and swarming with magic robots?"

2. "Homer at the Bat" (3rd Season): Another of the rare instances of celebrities-playing-themselves that works. The story of Homer's home-made bat sets things up nicely, and the classic trope of the hero saving the big game is hilariously subverted twice. First, when a Roger Clemens fastball torches Homer's "Wonder Bat," and then at the episode's end when Homer is plunked by a pitch, accidentally driving in the winning run. Top-to-bottom it's a great parody of the conventions of sports movies - it wasn't the first time "The Simpsons" have done it (that would be "Dancin' Homer" from season 2), nor would it be the last (e.g. "Lisa on Ice," "Bart Star"), but it's almost certainly the best of the bunch. The comical fates of Mr. Burns's ringers are terrific, not to mention the fact that Burns originally wants to bring in Honus Wagner and Mordecai "Three-Finger" Brown to play on the team. Early on, the umpire goes over the rules of softball with Homer and Chief Wiggum. It's funny enough that every rule involves the consumption of beer, but the capper is Wiggum's response: "Hey, we know how to play softball!"

Best Line: When the always over-eager Springfield police pull over second baseman Steve Sax (who was then playing for the Yankees) and begin harassing him about a non-descript unsolved murder in New York City, Sax replies that there are probably hundreds of unsolved murders in New York. After a beat, in perfect cop-show style, Eddie responds: "You just don't know when to quit, do you, Saxie?"

1. "You Only Move Twice" (8th Season): Homer goes to work for a James Bond villain. The James Bond villain (Hank Scorpio) is friendly and easygoing and offers his employees great benefits and insists that they call him Hank. Homer confesses his lifelong dream (one of many) to own the Dallas Cowboys. In an effort to motivate the people working under him, Homer discusses with Scorpio the best place to acquire "business hammocks" ("In fact, they're all in the same complex, down on 3rd." "Oh, the hammock district."). Homer gets a bonus when he tackles James Bond after he's escaped from Scorpio's death-trap. Bart gets put into a remedial class at his new school, along with a boy who explains that "I moved here from Canada, and they think I'm slow, eh?" A bored Marge begins drinking a half-glass of fortified wine every afternoon, accompanied by melodramatic music. The family convinces Homer to quit his job. As he leaves, Scorpio says, "If you could kill someone on the way out, it would really help me a lot." As the credits roll after the single funniest closing of a "Simpsons" episode ever (see below), we get a Shirley Bassey-style theme song, proclaiming that Scorpio's "twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world and his employees' health." There's not much in the way of depth or significance here, but it's just wall-to-wall laughs. Brilliant.

Best Line: Best Dialogue, actually...After returning to Springfield, Homer gets a telegram from Scorpio and a thank-you gift for helping out with Project Arcturus - "it may get you a little closer to that dream of yours." Homer looks up from the telegram and...

Homer: Aw, the Denver Broncos!
Marge: I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
Homer: Yeah, yeah.
Marge: Well explain to me why it isn't!
Homer: You just don't understand football, Marge...


I know, I know...some of the episodes I've included suck, right? And I'm totally blind, as I skipped right over what is clearly the best episode ever, right? So what's your favorite?

Top Five - Fantasy

A couple of weeks ago, I posted my Top Five Science Fiction movies. Ever since then, I've been compiling in the back of my mind the natural counterpart - the Top Five Fantasy Movies.

Honorable mentions go to a few classics from the '80s - Dragonslayer, which has what is probably the coolest-looking dragon in any fantasy movie ever, Willow, which is a lot of fun in spite of being fairly unoriginal, derivative and committing the hack-director sin of naming villains after movie critics (the Evil Queen's right-hand man is General Kael and the two-headed dragon is called the Eborsisk) and Excalibur, which came very close to making my Top Five and is far-and-away the best cinematic King Arthur story - not that it really has much competition for the title.

5. Conan the Barbarian: It doesn't really live up to the standard set by Robert E. Howard's original "Conan" stories. I'll never understand why they called the villain Thulsa Doom - a name borrowed from one of Howard's "Kull" stories - when he's clearly and obviously Thoth-Amon, a villain from an actual Howard "Conan" story who also made frequent appearances in the "Conan" comics. Even so, this is a terrific movie that does lift some choice bits from Howard's stories, has loads of great action, and is eternally memorable if nothing else for the Governor of California's stated philosophy of what is best in life: "To crush your enemy, to see him driven before you and to hear the lamentations of his women."





4. The Princess Bride: If I have to explain to you what makes this movie great, maybe you should go read another blog. I don't suppose many people think of this one as "fantasy" per se - and it's certainly not epic "high fantasy." It's a lighter, comic fantasy. But it does have shrieking eels, a Fire Swamp populated by Rodents of Unusual Size, a giant who wears a holocaust cloak and, of course, a Miracle Man. It also features the best sword fight put to film since the Golden Age swashbucklers - Inigo Montoya and the Man in Black dueling atop the Cliffs of Insanity - which also happens to be the funniest sword fight this side Danny Kaye and Basil Rathbone in The Court Jester and the best Duel of Wits to the Death ever filmed. Speaking of which, it's educational, too. If you hadn't ever seen this movie, how would you know never to get involved in a land war in Asia and never to go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line?






3. Princess Mononoke: Or, as the hardcore anime nerds out there will insist on calling it, Mononoke-hime. This Japanese title translates roughly to "Princess of the Spirits," which to my ears is a better, more evocative English title than what was chosen. As it stands, the title is a bit confusing, as there's no character in the movie called Princess Mononoke. Quibbles with the title aside, this is just a stupendous movie. Stunning visuals, a thoroughly absorbing story, breathtaking action, political intrigue...what more do you need? A piece of advice - watch it with the Japanese language track and the Japanese-to-English subtitles. It's one of the best anime translations out there, written by the great Neil Gaiman, and certainly not so stilted and awkward as the dubs on old "Speed Racer" episodes...but it still works best in Japanese.










2. The Empire Strikes Back: Okay, this should really be the entire original Star Wars trilogy...but Empire is by far the best of the lot, so call it a representative of the whole. I think of Star Wars as fantasy in sci-fi clothing. Yeah, it's got spaceships and ray-guns...but the heart of it is the story of a farm-boy who is given his father's sword, battles a variety of grotesque monsters and learns magic from a wizened sage in order that he might confront the evil king. It has more in common with Greek mythology and the Arthurian legends than with 2001 or Blade Runner. "Space fantasy" is a term a lot of nerds use (ever categorizing and carefully defining sub-genres and sub-sub-genres, us nerds), and I think it's pretty accurate. Even "Star Trek" offers a bit of pseudo-science technobabble about dilithium crystals and matter-antimatter drive - Star Wars doesn't even bother expending the tiniest bit of effort telling us how or why faster-than-light travel is possible, it is only important that it is. To my mind, that makes all the difference.







1. The Lord of the Rings: Was there any doubt? Unlike the Star Wars movies, I don't think this can really be separated into its component parts. It's one massive movie divided by necessity into a trilogy - just as the source material is one massive book divided by necessity into three.

Here's the part where I commit a bit of nerd heresy. I think that Peter Jackson & Co. actually improved on the books. By eliminating the wholly useless bits and altering a few details, they've given the story more focus and changed some characters' roles from passive observer to active participant. C'mon, admit it, big nerds: the Tom Bombadil chapters are not only boring but actively annoying. And as Fran Walsh and Phillipa Boyens say on their commentary for The Two Towers, having Faramir simply reject the Ring out of hand, as Tolkien has him do, completely derails the idea of the Ring as a constant temptation for Frodo and an obsession for Gollum.

There are bits I don't like - the use of Gimli as little more than comic relief, Legolas's "surfing" - but 9 times out of 10 the movie looks exactly like what I pictured in my head: Gandalf confronting the Balrog, the Argonath (a small detail, yes, but perfect), the Battle of Helm's Deep, the Siege of Minas Tirith...dead-on, I tell ya.

Top Five - Sci-Fi Flicks

George R.R. Martin has something to say to people who, in the hoopla surrounding the Star Wars 30th anniversary, are calling George Lucas's opus, "the best science fiction film of all time." And that something is, "Nuh-uh."

And he's right - though I disagree as to the reasons why. In my opinion, it's hard to compare Star Wars to other science fiction movies as it's essentially a mythological/fantasy story dressed up in sci-fi trappings. It's got at least as much, if not more, in common with The Lord of the Rings than with 2001.

So, what is the best science fiction film of all time? So glad you asked - it's time for another Great Big Nerd Top Five.

Honorable Mentions go to Contact, which would probably rank higher if Jodie Foster and Matthew McConaughey had shown even the slightest spark with one another and which has what remains, ten years later, one of the best and most stunning opening scenes in any movie I've ever seen; to The Day the Earth Stood Still, the iconic Cold War sci-fi movie; finally, to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, because it's still the best Star Trek movie, and because "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"


5. Minority Report: This movie may age badly. But right now, it feels like the future. Other than the more out-there premise of the Precogs, everything in this movie seems totally plausible. The giant computer on which Tom Cruise conducts his searches for the not-yet-murderers identified by the Precogs seems exactly like the computer we'll all be using in thirty years. The retinal scanning technology, the intrusive personally-targeted advertising, the self-driving cars on giant super-superhighways, it all seems like what's really going to happen. Throw in some crackerjack action and chase scenes - Anderton's escape from his former colleagues, the spider-bots' search of the building where he's hiding out after his eye transplant, the flight through the mall guided by Agatha's precog abilities - and you've got a heck of a movie.

I do get tired of hearing people say, "If Spielberg had just ended it twenty minutes earlier, it would have been great." No, if Spielberg had ended it twenty minutes earlier, it would have been incomplete and entirely unsatisfying. The key mystery would go unsolved and the movie would have a downer ending just for the sake of not having a happy one.

4. Forbidden Planet: This one is Martin's choice for the Best Science Fiction Movie Ever, and I think he's not too far off. Okay, it's a little jarring after nearly-religious watchings of Airplane! and The Naked Gun as a kid to see a young Leslie Nielsen as the square-jawed hero. But the whole thing is just tremendous, and holds up amazingly well fifty years later. Robbie the Robot remains cool as hell, first of all. The special effects are dated, but not really cheezey or even unconvincing. Walter Pidgeon is just terrific as Dr. Morbius, creepy, villainous and ultimately tragic. I love that it's a sci-fi version of Shakespeare, but it has interesting and original ideas of its own, so it doesn't just play as "The Tempest...in Spaaaaaaaace!" I love the way the ship functions sort of like a spacefaring submarine - something we see far too little of in spaceship movies - cramped and unpleasant, and the reaction of the ship's crew when they encounter the first girl they've seen in nearly a year. And did I mention that Robbie the Robot is cool as hell?

3. 2001 - A Space Odyssey: One of the great things about this movie is the way it illustrates the perils of creating science fiction: the all-too-easy possibility of hopelessly dating the movie by your choices. We're well past 2001, and we have no permanent moon colony, and no manned mission to Jupiter. Nor did a self-aware (and potentially psychotic) computer go on-line on 12 January 1992 (or 1997, depending on whether you go by the book or the movie). And even had we a moon colony, it would be impossible to fly Pan-Am to get there, as it went out of business in 1991. Certainly, all of these things must have seemed eminently plausible in 1968, a year before Neil Armstrong walked on the Moon. And even with its now-anachronistic elements, 2001 remains one of the greatest science fiction movies ever, without a doubt. It's mysterious and thought-provoking, and in refusing to spell out every detail (or, for that matter, any detail) for the audience, remains one of the supreme cinematic mindfucks of all time. The movie's last act is confusing enough sober; I can't imagine what it must have been like for the '60s audiences who went to see it stoned or tripping or both. I also think its reputation for being slow and ponderous is somewhat ill-deserved. The entire sequence wherein Dave Bowman attempts to rescue Frank Poole after HAL goes nuts and then figure out how to get back aboard the ship is suspenseful and exciting. The following scene, the famous scene of Dave dismantling HAL, is both moving and deeply disturbing.

Also, it has ape-men beating the crap out of each other, which is always a good thing.

2. (tie)Alien/Aliens: Extra-terrestrial life has been a key component of science fiction since Giovanni Schiaparelli's observations of the Martian "canals" and H.G. Wells' The War of the Worlds. The question of "What else is out there?" has always been a compelling one. Of course, as often as not, the answer science fiction writers and filmmakers have come up with is, "Something nasty." The best cinematic take on this is the first two movies in the Alien series. "In space," the first film's tagline reminds us, "no one can hear you scream." Damn, that's a great line. The first movie turns science fiction convention on its ear in many ways. Rather than the heroic Flash Gordon or Captain Kirk type we're used to, the main characters of the film are basically space truckers. Perhaps space merchant marines, but the point remains the same - these aren't heroes, they're just blue-collar folks doing what they think is a routine job. When they encounter alien life, it isn't technologically or intellectually superior. It's a great big space insect, killing them off one by one for no other reason than that's what it does, without remorse or conscience. Alien presents the same primal, existential dread we feel when we watch Jaws, or hear on the news about someone being attacked and killed by a mountain lion or a bear. It's about fear of the unknown, and fear of that with which we cannot reason. The sequel ups the ante. Here, the heroes face the unknown without a trace of trepidation, but instead with swaggering bravado, with no better result. The only way the humans can relate to the aliens is on primal terms - life and death, the need to survive and to perpetuate the species. It's deep and heady stuff for a movie filled wall-to-wall with machine-guns and explosions.

1. Blade Runner: "What else is out there?" is a question unique to science fiction. By contrast, "What does it mean to be human?" is sort of the basic question of all narrative, be it cinematic or literary, and indeed of essentially all artistic endeavors. However, it is a question that science fiction is particularly well-equipped to deal with on fairly direct terms. With Blade Runner, Ridley Scott tackles this bull directly by the horns. The title of the Philip K. Dick novel upon which it is based, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, is far more evocative than the movie's fairly generic title, but probably doesn't really fit on a theater marquee. Fortunately, the title is one of the few places where Scott doesn't match or even outdo Dick (I know, saying a movie adaptation might in some ways be superior to a Philip Dick novel is nerd heresy; so be it). With the villains, who are most certainly robots, acting more human than the hero, who is ostensibly human, one can't help but wonder about the definition of humanity. The "sci-fi-meets-film-noir" atmosphere is nailed perfectly, with or without the voiceover narration. Like Minority Report, Blade Runner feels quite plausible in the little details. "Cityspeak," the mashup language of English, Spanish, Japanese and others that Gaff speaks, the strong influence of Asian culture, the enormous advertising billboards (including one, once again, for Pan-Am), the state of decay and dystopia in the city...it all feels real. And, as with the dismantling of HAL in 2001, Roy Batty's death is moving and disturbing. As near to perfect as any science fiction film has ever come.

Of course, there are dozens of great science fiction movies, and it was a real effort to whittle the list of ones I love down to five plus a few extras. I could go on at great length about many more - but I think it's worth noting that all of the movies I've named - even Star Trek II - are at least as much about ideas as they are about action and cool special effects. Great science fiction doesn't always need special effects - Primer, the 2004 ultra-low-budget time-travel mindbender is Exhibit A. None of the movies I've listed are about kung-fu and cool sunglasses, or Will Smith cracking wise. The one of the great things about science fiction literature is that it is more often than not about ideas and big themes. The movies listed here prove that science fiction cinema can be the same thing, if only the filmmakers are willing to try.

Top Five - The Joker

Writing about Marshall Rogers yesterday got me thinking about other artists' work on the Joker. So...welcome to a new occasional feature here at Great Big Nerd (inspired, of course, by Nick Hornby's High Fidelity), All-Time Top Five. Here I present what are, in my humble opinion, the five best renditions of the Joker.

Honorable mentions go to Jim Aparo for the infamous and truly creepy sequence from "Batman" #427 where the Joker beats the crap out of Robin with a crowbar, Jim Lee for his truly over-the-top take, and of course to Bob Kane for creating the look of the character in the first place.

5. Marshall Rogers: Rogers' Joker was tall and spindly, creepy, and clearly quite mad. Rogers also was able to convey the Joker's sheer delight in his own insanity. Rogers appears to have taken a great deal of inspiration from Kane's version. The eyes are hollow, the grin is mirthless, and this Joker is truly scary.








4. Bruce Timm: Timm was a producer and the chief designer for the '90s Batman animated series (which was fucking awesome - Mask of the Phantasm was far and away the best cinematic depiction of Batman until Batman Begins). He created a Joker who is no less scary for the cartoonish simplicity of his design. He's made up of aggressive, angular shapes. His hunched posture and the dark circles under the eyes suggest frenzy and insanity. Being a character on a show (ostensibly) aimed at kids meant that Timm's Joker rarely actually killed anyone. He appeared no less murderous for it.




3. Dick Sprang: The quintessential Batman artist of the '50s, Sprang created wonderfully stylish and grotesque versions of all of the Batman villains. Though the Batman comics of the day were sillier and more childish than those that came before and after, Sprang's Joker remains memorable. Though the Joker was always grinning, Sprang took the grin and stretched it, over-exaggerating it to the point of absurdity. It worked, though, and it has been the standard for (nearly every) artist drawing the character ever since.





2. Alex Ross: Because Ross paints characters in a realistic style, he isn't able to create a Joker as grotesque and exaggerated as other artists. He makes up for it by making his Joker scary as hell. I think it's because of the realistic painting. Where other Jokers are firmly bound in comic book world with black lines stylized rendering, Ross's Joker looks absolutely mad, completely evil, and almost ready to step right off the page.






1. Brian Bolland: Maybe I'm biased because he drew the greatest Joker story ever - "The Killing Joke," written by Alan Moore - but Bolland just seems to nail the character. Under nobody else's pen or brush does the Joker seem quite so thoroughly insane. Obviously, the Joker is never going to be a physical match for Batman. So if the depths of his evil and insanity don't present a challenge for Batman, he becomes, well, a joke. Bolland creates that. Just looking at his rendition of the Joker, you can get a sense of why an evil clown in a purple zoot suit can be the greatest and most implacable enemy of a character who is both the world's greatest martial artist and the world's greatest detective. Simply awesome. If you have any interest at all in superheroes, "The Killing Joke" is a must.