Summertime, And The Movies Are Crappy...

As promised, a brief look at the upcoming summer flick slate:

Must See:
Iron Man: Trailers make it look like probably the best superhero flick since Spidey 2, and all the elements for greatness are there.
Speed Racer: Almost certainly going to be awful...but it's so shiny! People talk about summer movies as "eye candy," but in this case I think that's actually a good term. Yet another round of CGI creatures, Michael Bay ineptitude and explosions? Not eye candy. Something that looks like no other movie I've ever seen? Quite possibly eye candy.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Well, duh.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: The first one was good enough to keep me interested. Of course, the source material goes pretty rapidly downhill from here. I really, really hope they don't slug all the way through to The Last Battle, because, well, eeeuugh.
The Incredible Hulk: I liked Ang Lee's take on the Hulk a lot more than most people seem to have done. It was a little ponderous, though, and this looks anything but. Hopefully there's plenty of great "HULK SMASH!" action.
WALL-E: There are just no words for how gorgeous this trailer looks. If the movie is even a fraction as good as the trailer promises, we're in for a treat.
The Dark Knight: Looks to be another solid outing for the Nolan/Goyer/Bale take on Batman.

Get Smart: I always did like the original TV show, and Steve Carrell seems like a good fit for the role of Maxwell Smart. On the other hand, how many really worthwhile movies have been made from old TV sitcoms? Still, the trailer is more than just, "Remember 'Get Smart?' Well, hey, look, it's a movie now! Shoe phone! Cone of Silence! It's funny because you remember these things from before!" So that's pretty good.
Hancock: Hey, a Will Smith action-comedy coming out for the 4th of July! Imagine that! Well, at least it looks like it's probably more Men in Black than Wild Wild West.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe: Hey, one more romp with Mulder and Scully could be great, especially after the way things fizzled at the end the last time around. I understand they're aiming for more of the "non-mythology episode" feel this time around rather than lots of pointless and confusing stuff with Cigarette Smoking Man, cornfields, black oil and evil bees. Wise, that.
Tropic Thunder: I could easily go my entire life without seeing another Ben Stiller movie. But I can't help it - I think this one looks pretty funny.

Unlikely, But Maybe:

The Happening: M. Night Shyamalan has the chops to be a really good filmmaker. He's done it at least 1.75 times before. Maybe he'll get over the "Gotcha!" impulse and give us something worthwhile.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: I'm note sure whether releasing a new effort in The Poor Man's Indiana Jones franchise at the tail end of a summer sure to focus on The Rich Man's Indiana Jones (that being, well, you know, Indiana Jones) is a great idea or not. But it might be worth checking out.

Well, Maybe If You Paid Me To:

Made of Honor: My only vague interest in this is whether they're claiming this is an original screenplay or if they've given on-screen credit to the writers of My Best Friend's Wedding.
You Don't Want to Mess With Zohan: Hey, look, there's still Adam Sandler, for some reason.
Step Brothers: Hey, look, there's still Will Ferrell, for some reason.
The Love Guru: Hey, look, there's still Mike Meyers, for some reason. How much you want to bet he stands behind a couch and pretends to be rowing a canoe, and then does a wacky Scottish accent?
Kung Fu Panda: Hey, look, another computer-animated anthropomorphic animal movie! Can't have too many of those!
Mamma Mia!: A movie based on a Broadway musical revolving around the music of ABBA. And you thought musicals couldn't get any worse than John Travolta in drag!

...and the award for Movie I Just Won't See, Even If You Pay Me $100 and Give Me Free Popcorn and My Weight in Junior Mints goes to:

Sex and the City: Couldn't be less interested. Can't imagine why anyone would be (yes, I know some people would say the same of some of my "Must-see" picks). Hated every single thing about "Sex and the City" when it was a TV show. And no matter how hard the Hollywood press and the cosmetics industry and whoever else try to convince me that she's GORGEOUS, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse.